struggling to cope with 12 1/2 year old

[tracey71]

Hi everyone - this is my first post here, though I have read through the forums many times.

I am really struggling to cope with the mood swings and behaviour of my 12 1/2 year old son (diagnosed 8 years ago). To add to the frustration he already faces, he is also gluten and lactose intolerant. We have had a few emotional ups and downs re his diabetes over the years, but the past 6 months or so have become unbearable. He has always done well academically and is musically gifted but over the past few months has 'given up' on school and lost interest in his music. He keeps saying he does not understand the work, struggles to concentrate, refuses to complete his homework and though he is managing to control his emotions at school, at home it is a whole different ball game. He shouts, cries, hits, swears, refuses to test and do his insulin, won't go to sleep at a decent hour, steals food from the pantry and lies about what he has eaten. He is socially happy with a great bunch of friends, but gets very angry that he is "different" though we try to keep life as 'normal' as possible for him. He is very nasty to his younger brother and I think it is because he sees his brother's life as being so much easier and carefree.

His dad and I also separated 2 years ago and both have new partners. Even though my boys have a good relationship with my new partner I think my son is still angry about the separation.
My greatest concern is that he just doesn't care about his health or his schoolwork - I hate arguing with him and having to forcefully test his blood and administer insulin - something which was not previously an issue - even as a 4 year old he would happily test and inject without a single complaint.

Have any other parents out there faces similar issues, and if so, was it just a phase caused by hormones that their child grew out of, or did they seek professional help? If there was professional help, what was the diagnosis or outcome?

I am really hoping it is just puberty, though the extreme drop in academic results is a major concern at this stage of his schooling.

Tracey
(mum of L. 12 1/2 diagnosed Oct 2003)

[leanne]

I wish I had a great response but I thought it might help to hear you could have been describing my 12.5 yr old son (diagnosed at 2.5) in your post. We have mood swings, unexpected tears and intense anger. Our son was frustrated most of last year about school work, homework refusal despite the fact that he has been tested and is in the high range of academic ability.

Currently, he is emotional- cries, hits his siblings, swears, refuses to test, cries or screams at me when its time to get a new site or needle, and has a really hard time falling asleep. We have found one solution for helping him sleep which is a sleep hypnosis app on his iPod called Deep Sleep with Andrew Johnson. I think that was 99 cent app. For the rest, we are still struggling and use old standby techniques like completed homework/ completed log book earns tv/ iPod/ PS3 time. Some days that works, other days its harder.

We don't have the family dynamics that you describe but we still have a lot of these emotional issues so maybe it's just a stage and they'll pass through it?? Our son did do play therapy counselling when he was younger and was really angry about diabetes. I found that helped him and our whole family deal with how complicated relationships get when you are living everyday life with a chronic illness. I recommend the outside support and we may look for a tune up ourselves!

[mommab]

I too have a 12 1/2 yr old son who also is very intelligent but just doesn't put any effort into school or anything other than a video game. He was diagnosed a 1 1/2 ago and just recently went on the pump. He is a goalie in hockey and all of a sudden this summer decided he was quitting it all. We had him booked into a summer camp and into the school hockey program-all which he was very eager to do a few months ago but now nothing! I've read that losing interest in favorite activites and mood swings can be a sign of depression and I know this is something I'm going to do a bit more research on just in case. It's so frustrating not knowing if it's a stage they're going through or something more serious.
I just discovered this site yesterday and it's so reassuring to have others to talk to!

[tracey71]

Thanks so much for your replies - it is comforting to know that others are going through the same or similar issues - though I am sorry to know that others also go through such difficult times with their beautiful children. We have made a little progress this week after seeking assistance through his school who are arranging a social worker and classroom support officer to chat to him and hopefully make some positive inroads into dealing with these issues. I will keep you posted on our progress, and I hope things improve for you both soon.

[dearela]

I have a 12 1/2 yr old daughter.  She too does the mood swings and outbursts.  I did have a serious problem with her about a year after her diagnosis.  She was 10 at dx.  She got really out of touch with everyone and seemed to be isolating herself.  She was depressed and it broke my heart.  I immediately took her to the dr and set up appointments for counseling.  Puberty is a very hard time on everyone and when you add in a chronic illness it can multiply the problems.  Don't forget that puberty sucked for us all.  It never hurts to find someone for them to talk to.  My daughter felt guilty when her problems upset me so she tried to hide it which turned her into the devil at times.  She still has an attitude and decides to be resistant to the routine of "D" which is normal rebellious behavior.  If you are concerned and needing some help-ask the endo or seek a counselor.  All of your childs healthcare professionals should be more than happy to assist you in seeking help for your child.  Best of luck to you all cuz puberty sucks!

[clickjane]

Tracey hi. My first post is to reply to yours. OMG - same here with a 12 year old girl - though my situation isn't as severe as yours yet. I'm a single mum and she was diagnosed 2 years ago. Hormones have just kicked in and after a first relatively easy year of coping, now she is in denial, angry with diabetes, stealing food, hypos, hypers, and lies about it all.

Our diabetes nurse says she recognises the pattern, and that my daughter is 'grieving' the loss of her freedom. The freedom that goes when you have T1. I understand completely and am as supportive as possible, but as a parent you also have to be the discplinarian don't you - I have to be mom and dad too - so I get all her anger.

It's horrible, I hate it, and I almost want the next 6 years to fly so I can get my daughter back. The worry is the damage being done while she rebels. Her school nurse is a great support, as is JDRF - thank God for JDRF and groups like this where there are people who know what you are going through.

I've said I'm going to lock the biscuits and cakes in a suitcase so she can't help herself, and I'll have to take away the money her grandparent gives her which she then spends on sugary drinks. She'll hate me for a while but I'll have to live with that. She knows I love her - and your son will know you love him too.

It's tough - and I really hope you find some strength from the parents on the forums - I know it helps me when I think I'm the only one going throught things - your post stood out a mile for me because it's almost as if I'd written it.       

[Amy116]

Hi everyone.  I have been a member of this site for a while, though tonight is the first time I sought out a posting to see if anyone else understood what i'm going through with my son.  Tracey, yours was the first posting I saw & it matches a lot of what i'm going through & have been for some time now.  My son is 12 yrs, 9 mos & he was diagnosed at 16 months old.  He knows nothing else but diabetes.  His blood sugars have never been perfect, but now that he's older and I feel he should know the routine by now, he doesn't care about taking care of himself & almost wants to do the opposite of what he knows I want him to do.  He now tells me to stop nagging him & leave him alone & he will do better without me telling him what to do.  I know about the outbursts, the constant lies about blood sugars, destroying things, crying, lack of organization and just plain failing in school.  I feel like I have to follow him around every second & sound like a parrot...'have you checked your sugar, have you given your shot...well what was it & how much did you give...etc.' how is he ever going to function as an adult if I have to follow him around like that?  I have tried reasoning with him, I have tried showing him pictures of destroyed livers/kidneys on the medical sites...I have tried explaining to him what this does to his body & what he does now will effect him when he's my age, I have had the doctors and nurses explain to him what it could do to him if he continues on this path, he's been grounded, he's had his electronics taken away....I have finally come to the realization that my worrying, guilt, fighting, crying is not going to change anything--I just have to keep pushing forward & do what I can to keep educating him & he will do with the education what he will do.  I try to take it day by day & we have bad days, then okay days, & I just try to be there as his back-up to remind him.  He will have to make a choice when he's older to do this all on his own & I won't always be there.  I know this isn't a good answer, yet just letting others know that you are not alone.  I just hate it when I go to the endocrinologist appointments with him & they are looking at me as to why I can't "control" my child...it gets to where its not easy when they are this age because I am trying to teach him to function on his own & he fights me every step of the way. 

We'll just keep pushing forward---nice to have a place to write where other folks understand.

Amy
Mom of Andy, diagnosed 11 yrs ago

[SLJones77]

My 13 and half year old son (diagnosed two years ago) is going through very similar experiences. I think he just chooses not deal with it (denial). When he was diagnosed at age 11, his endo  told us that as he enters adolescence and puberty that he will more than likely "rebel" against his diabetes because it's not something "cool" or "popular" with others and is a big responsibility that teenagers naturally don't want! (who would want to deal with that at any age?)

However, my own personal opinion goes something like this:

Because they are going through a rather dramatic change, both physically and emotionally, in this phase of their life, the last thing they need is to be different from their friends and have the added responsibility of health issues.

Secondly, because my son has been fortunate enough to have his BG levels very well managed, (A1C of 6.7), he doesn't really think there's a problem. I'm positive that if he were having consistently high BG, he'd understand the need for extreme diligence in managing his Diabetes.

Basically, I think having a disease that takes maturity to handle, combined with the pressures of school, friends, changing bodies and all the other "pleasantries" of puberty  , they choose to ignore what they see as "not a problem".

Shelly
Son diagnosed with T1 in January of 2010